Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
