you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
