Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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