i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
