I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
