What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
