I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
