I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It's official drugs can't kill me
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
