Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
