what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
