I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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