Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
