toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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