How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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