She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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