I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize