R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
