Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
