my mouth tastes like poor choices
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
