Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
