wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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