just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
