so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
