One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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