Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize