So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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