I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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