I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
