I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
