May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
