Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
