hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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