That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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