I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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