I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
