There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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