4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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