I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
