Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
