i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
