I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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