I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
