I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
