How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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