i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
