Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
