Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
