I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
