I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
