Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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