i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize