**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
