One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
