New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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