I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
