don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Randomize
