I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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