Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
