The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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