Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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