Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She swung at the pinata with crutches
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
