he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
