Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm really busy with my period
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