No stitches, just platelets and will power
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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