I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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