I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
