remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
