you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Randomize
