What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
