I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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