so that wasnt chicken after all
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
