we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
whose parrot is this?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
