You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
