How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
