I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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