I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
